~ Renewed ~

Mercury is finally out of retrograde, appearing to be going backwards in the sky, whilst it is only an illusion. The intense sexual frenzy, desires, sensations and Kundalini wrapping itself around my base Charkra is still there. It still feels amazing, wonderful and new. It's taking on a new role, a new character. It's as if baring my naked body or shadow-self to the world, has been tamed but only a bit. The stories may be more sensual, or will they?

Night does fall once again, quite a hot night at that. My body is sticky with dew from the days work. I undress myself and look in the mirror, my half toned body and muscles glisten with beads of sweat rolling off me. It feels good to be in the refreshing air. I step in the shower and rinse myself with cool water. The water running down my body feels so phenomenal.

I quickly grab my soap and lather myself up, I dropped the soap, sadly nobody was in there to quickly enter my tight ass and rip me to shreds. I would have given almost anything to have a nice hard dick sliding in and out of my hole. The urge is still there, it still comes out, it'll always be there but where is it going?

As I lather my body up, I rub myself in fantasy, stroking my now throbbing cock. I know I am not wanting to explode my hot juices in the shower, so I keep edging myself until I'm ready to get out and get into bed. Even though the sexually frazzled beast inside has been tamed to an extent, " it " needs to be fed and taken care of like a child.

The shadow self is always with us, it is not a separate thing. It is US, we learn from it, we grow from it and without it we wouldn't be able to over come our tribulations. We wouldn't be able to grow, gain knowledge or increase spiritual connections. Hence, why it is so important to keep that inner, sexually charged, frenzied beast " fed " or " taken care of ".

I have learned quite a bit over the past few months about myself. Not all of it's pretty, not all of it's quite nice, in fact it's quite raw, primal, raunchy and dark. Denying these things within ourselves only hinder our spiritual progression. If only everyone could embrace their shadow-self, the darkness within, the lustful desires and thoughts. Those things you were told that are " sinful " to even think about, you still think of them. That's because it's human nature. It's natural.

By bearing my shadow-self I've gained a new appreciation for life, for people, almost every living being from big to small, people, places and things. Everything has taken on a new light. It's as if everything has lost it's " label " and all there is left now is energy. Labels aren't important I know and hence I feel this is why my shadow self had taught me this important lesson.

I get out of the shower, letting myself air dry in the nice cool air conditioning. I stand there and play with my cock a little bit. Massage it a little bit more, feeding the inner beast, giving in to " it's " desires and temptations. I look at myself in the mirror some more, examining my body like every man or woman does.

I am finding a new appreciation for my body. Things aren't as " ugly " or as " atrocious " as they were before. I can honestly say that when I look into the mirror now I can say " I love you ", " I can go to bed with you tonight ". We've gotta learn to love and accept every aspect of ourselves. All the bad all the good, all the in between. It's all so important and crucial to our growth as spiritual beings.

I have also come to realize through sexual expression, sex magick and sexual photography that we are not just simply a bag of bones, literally. A rotting flesh bag filled with organs, blood, sexual fluids. We are mere beings inside a vehicle. So what that means to me is that I'm not seeing people's surface so much, I'm not judging a book by it's cover, sort to speak anymore. It's been a tough couple of months, sexually frustrating, very sexually satisfying and very spiritually confused. Although, in the end it really comes down to the point where something Bursts and you have that realization, everything starts to make sense again. Times like this I like to say " God " Is a bitch.

I continue to let myself air dry some more. Taking my cocoa butter lotion, rubbing my sun burnt legs, rubbing my sun kissed chest, abs, stomach. The lotion feels so good, it's like the feeling you get when you've taken an Adderall and you've been up all night. You get those chills that just send the most erotic and sexually satisfying adrenaline all through your body. It is the best feeling in this multiverse. So I continue to lotion my body even more, feeling those chills and sensations are phenomenal I just can't stop. I lotion my ass up really good. It's nice and toned up from all the bending over, gardening and planting. Now that feels amazing, it feels like a god-like energy has overcome my entire body.

After thoroughly rubbing the lotion into my body, my skin soaking up the nutty smell of the cocoa butter. I gently wrap my everyday, black robe around myself. This sending even more chills, tingles and sensations up my spine, my entire body. The robe feels different it feels like it has come alive in a sense. It's taken on the role of the shadow-self. The lustful thoughts, desires, the vigorous masturbation in the bedroom. The taboo's of one's one Ego, embroidered about the robe, the Taboo's of the world stick to it like patches.

It's an amazing and wonderful thing when it happens. Awakening and playing with your other side, your dark side. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking of sex or all of these things throughout my everyday life. I am an occultist, not a porn director. I embrace it when those feelings come now though, I really embrace it and let it play it's role through me. Thus transforming and feeling the process of becoming aware.

I walk up to my bed through the house, it's dark, cold but of course it's just the air conditioning. I usually slip down my steps, I have 13 wooden ones, very old. To my own surprise I managed to not harm myself on the way up. Lying in bed feels so damn good, god-like. Pretending for a second you're not in your own " role " of this life.

I see three men dressed in black robes very similar to my own. They have hoods though, which are up and slightly covers the top of their heads. They look really handsome from what I can see, someone I would be sexually attracted to. As they get closer they're triplets. It's so odd and off the wall to see three of a kind. The situation was so whimsical.

The guys make it up to me and I see them now... Their robes have a soft-glow of white stars. They have a tone of Bronze-stars on their bodies. Gorgeous and muscular. I see they have chest harnesses' on, made of like a vinyl material. They're also slightly " glittered " and sexy.

I see Jesus walk through them and come up to me. It's half Jesus and half beast. He hugs me, gives me a 5-starred kiss and goes. I feel it's maybe a blessing or my imagination. I feel so energized after this, aroused, ready and open to receive. One of the guy smiles at me and puts his leg between mine. I lean in on him and the other three lean in on us.

His lips are so soft, his tongue softly licking mine, tormenting me like any man would. He has this " Lucifer " characteristic about him. He can charm. Kissing me still, he starts to rub my chest as he presses his dick into mine pretty hard, I love it. He lets out a quiet moan, I bite his lip and he kisses me even harder, deeper and longer.

He pulls our love making away from the other three men. He lays me down and kisses my neck. He pushes his body on top of mine, almost crushing me as PROMISED. He's a lover, a romacer, I love it and give in to every second of his bliss.

He's finally massaged and pressed his body into mine so much, we're both on the edge of cumming. We edge for hours, it feels too good to stop. We both know that once we do, the Ambrosia of the Gods will flow and won't stop. It's hard not to let go. His body is so hot, soft yet firm and hard, you can imagine.

He tells me let go and I FEEL why... he has let go... he's flowing, cumming all over me. Bathing in his juices is like a drug, it gives the feeling of being high but naturally. I drink of him and he drinks of me. We flip to each other's dicks and start to suck and drink.. It tastes so delicious, sweet and thick, sugary.

We lay there... naked and alone, back to earth. The other men, the fire, everything that was going on. There was a ritual going on that nobody knew about. It's all gone now. Reality sets in and we rest in each other's arms. Comfortably, I reach up and kiss this gorgeous man. Him kissing me back is satisfaction alone.